Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Gnat Balls

You know gnat balls?
You know those big balls of gnats that gnats make when they all want to hang out?

Tons of gnats. Awesome!

How do you think they decide where to hold those events? I mean they're usually just in some random location, floating in some arbitrary point in mid-air, and yet somehow, all those hundreds of gnats had to agree on that spot, right? Otherwise they'd all be in different spots like, "I'm at the spot I thought we said. Where's all the other gnats?" And there wouldn't be any gnat balls, there'd just be gnats.

One gnat. Boring.

Do you think it's the same as with human parties, and one motivated gnat has to pick a location and then go around calling all his gnat friends and inviting them to come be in the ball? He's like, "Let's meet five feet above the sidewalk at Harvard Ave and Roy Street. Listen guys. This is going to be so fun." And some of them say they're totally going to come, but then they totally don't come?

Do you think gnats always choose to have their balls at human-face height because watching humans choke and gag on a mouthful of gnats is funny to them?

What about the gnats that get choked and gagged on? Those gnats can't possibly find it funny.

It seems like it'd be a lot of work to put together a party as big as gnat balls are. There are probably at least two hundred gnats in those balls. The original gnat that first decided he or she needed to have a gnat ball that night--I'm assuming he or she wouldn't schedule it in advance since gnats only live one day--must be not only really popular but also really energetic and committed to making social stuff happen.

Why do we say social butterfly? We should say social gnat. Gnats are the ones that know how to throw a party, and you'll notice they never invite any butterflies.

I bet butterflies are assholes.

Thinks he's so cool but he's not.

No comments:

Post a Comment