Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Energy Conservation Tips

Hi, I'm Eco-Isaac, Isaac Marion's environmentally sustainable alter-ego, and I'm here to share with you some important tips for conserving energy.

What is energy conservation, and why is it important? Well, it's like this. Most of modern society runs off of fossil fuels, which produce large amounts of greenhouse gases, ozone gases, carbon gases, and other unsustainable gases that all combine to create pollution. Believe it or not, even natural gas is pollution. "Natural gas?" you say. "But that sounds so natural!"
Trust me. It's not.

"But what about my Sega Saturn?" you ask. "That doesn't run on fossil fuels, it runs on electricity." Well guess what. Electricity is just fossil fuel in the form of electricity. All the electricity we use--even the electricity generated by wind and solar generators--is generated by fossil fuels. The more electricity you use, the more fossil fuels get burned. And the more stuff you do, the more electricity you use.

"So what can I do to help?" you ask. Well, it's simple. Everything you do consumes energy. When you pet your dog, it consumes energy--about 35 calories. When you wave to your mom, it consumes energy--about 28 calories. Where does that energy come from, you ask? From food, of course! But where does food come from? From the grocery store. And guess what? That apple you're about to eat? The grocery store used lots and lots of fossil fuels to create that apple. So every time you eat food, you are burning fossil fuels and destroying the environment for your children.

"Should I stop eating food?" you ask. Of course not! You'd die! :) But there is one important thing you must remember in order to make energy sustainable---everything you do burns fossil fuels.

That's right, even waving to your mom! Because every time you move or think, it burns calories, and calories have to be replaced by food, and food is created by grocery stores using machines made from fossil fuels.

"Now I'm getting it!" you say. "This is where the 'cycle' in 'recycle' comes from! We're all connected in the cycle of life, so I need to reduce my energy usage!"

Now you're getting it! Here are just a few of the millions of tips I know for reducing how much you destroy the environment for your children every single day:

Not only is it fun, you'll save millions of pounds of energy every additional hour you sleep in. And if you lose your job in the process, you can triple that number based off not needing to drive a car and do unsustainable work for non-green businesses.

Did you know that jogging around the block one time consumes as much energy as leaving a lightbulb on for two years? Next time you feel the urge to go for a run, consider just thinking about running instead!

Believe it or not, even just thinking consumes energy! That's right, the human brain runs on electricity, which comes from food, which comes from fossil fuels, so slow down there, Einstein! Watching a Daddy Longlegs spider crawl up a blank white wall uses one third the energy of formulating biochemistry theories, and it's way easier! So next time you're thinking about writing a great novel or entering the medical sciences, think about its impact on the environment. Or don't! You'll save energy!

When you're stressed, your heart rate increases, and your body goes into an energy-inefficient "fight or flight" mode in which large quantities of unsustainable energy are wasted on unsustainable body functions like sweating, stuttering, and getting pimples. Relax! Avoid situations that might lead to stress. That cute girl that you keep bumping into in the Chilton's Auto Repair Reference Manual section at the library? Think about how much stress energy you'll burn if you decide to talk to her! Consider going home alone instead--but don't masturbate! That consumes almost as much energy as having sex!


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