Thursday, June 14, 2007

Toilet Seat Covers VS. Me

You know those paper toilet seat covers that you put down over a toilet seat to protect you from the pubic hairs, STDs, and urine-puddles of strangers? They're usually called "Shieldor" or something similarly Lord-of-the-Rings-y, and they are dispensed from a dispenser above the toilet. These things are a great sanitation item, but here's what bugs me about them. The hole in the middle is not cut out, it's just slightly perforated. So if you just put the shield down and go, you will find your poo creeping back up to you like a persistent ex girlfriend. You have to punch the hole out yourself, by holding onto one end and carefully ripping each perforation point. And after you've torn it free, you can't just let the piece hang either, because it will reach down into the water, absorb water-weight, and then pull the whole shield down into the water just as you're sitting down, resulting in a buttfull of pubic hairs, STDs, and the urine of strangers. (The Urine of Strangers...sounds like maybe a good indie film title...) So you have to rip that flap off yourself too.

So the question on my mind is, why? Why do they have to leave it perforated? Can't they just cut it out in their factory and send it that way? I'm sure it would increase the cost of Shieldor toilet shields enormously to have the hole already punched out. I dream of one day being successful enough...to attend establishments...that have toilet shields...that have the hole already punched out. That's when...you know you've...arrived.

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