Tuesday, May 8, 2007

SOME FACTS AND FIGURES

Some Facts and Figures

Estimated days until I obliterate a street-crossing pedestrian while taking a right turn: 64

Odor level in my garbage disposal: Potentially Fatal

Number of Wine Bottles I Just Dumped in the Cardboard Only Recycle Bin: 3

Number of pickles I've been able to stomach so far in my attempt to empty out this gallon pickle jar: 1

Political Awareness: Low (Shouldn't someone be doing something about that stuff going on in the mid-east?)

World-Affairs Anxiety:
High. (Concerned that Congress is not doing enough to make self-propelled human flight a reality...)


Number of people I know who have recently had people attempt to kill them by blowing them up with a pipe bomb:
2

Girls I know who have recently been threatened at gunpoint (with shots fired) by psychotic ex-boyfriends who drove from California to attempt suicide in front of them: 2


Black plastic garbage bags in the middle of the street blowing violently in the wind that have turned out to actually be roadkill raccoons writhing in the hideous throes of death, thereby disturbing the holy shit out of me: 1

No comments:

Post a Comment